Two Years

Tomorrow, September 14, is the second anniversary of my Mom's death. Some days it feels like she just died yesterday and other days it seems like it was so long ago. No matter how it feels, the pain is still there...still fressh and the sadness still sneaks up on me when I least expect it. Yes it is a bit easier but still a lot harder than I imagined it would be.

I catch myself or my sisters using "mom-isms" or doing things that Mom did and it makes me smile. She will always be here with us and she will always be in my heart. I know that she has helped me cope with everything that has come my way in the past 21 months. And I know that as we move forward in life, she will be there. I talk to her and pray to her and ask for guidance. She had so much knowledge and experience and I just wish I could have one more conversation with her. One more time to tell her goodbye and that I love her. I did tell her all those things earlier that year when we thought we were going to lose her but I would give anything for just one more conversation with her. One last hug. One last smile.

The last time I saw her was a week before her death. We were out to dinner. She was not feeling well and seemed a bit off. So when I got the call that following weekend, that she was being taken to the hospital and she had stopped breating, in my heart, I knew this was it. I did not want to believe it and I just kept hugging my pregnant belly and praying that she would be okay or that we would all be strong enough to make it through whatever happened. I think being pregnant and having the comfort of Zachary in my belly helped me cope with her death. And we are okay. We are making it. It's hard, it's sad and it sucks but Mom left us with so much. She was amazing and I am going to make sure my boys know it. We will probably go visit her grave today or tomorrow, look at the photo album I made for her and light a candle or release a balloon. Jonathan likes to release the balloons so that our friends and family up in heaven can catch them and enjoy them. I love the thought of that too.

Mom, I love you, I miss you but I am okay. Thank you for being my Mom. And I'm trying to take care of myself like you use to always tell us to do! :-) You will never be forgotten and will live on forever in my heart. Rest in Peace Mom!

Little Man Needs a Job

I met today with our First Steps coordinator and the PT. It was to re-evaluate Zachary IFSP or plan of action. Our coordinator was amazed with what all Z has started doing since she first met him. And our PT was impressed when I said Z was walking about the house. I thought maybe, just maybe she would say "oh lets wait on the orthotics and see how he does.". Nah, she said he absolutely still needed them so we pressed on. The PT had written on a piece of paper the codes and costs of the orthotics and I peeked at it...$1,600! Seriously, I nearly puked right there. I had to calm myself and tell myself that this was before any coverage that we might be eligible for. Hopefully, MO First Steps will cover a large majority of it, if not all of it. We go Friday for measurements.

After we determine our costs, I am going to see if there is any way I can submit it to my insurance. I have not gotten a real clear answer on that yet so I'm hoping that whatever the state doesn't cover, the insurance will. If they could at least meet us halfway and let us make payments I'd feel much better. Cross your fingers that we can get some help with this. I am eager to see our little man get the help he needs and just take off. Otherwise, my cute little man needs to get out there and get a job. He is great at sweeping floors with his tummy. :-) Give us a call if you need your floors done. Ha!