I made a decision last week to return to Dr. Kate as her patient. It is about a 30 minute drive but I just haven't had the comfort level with any of the other doctors in the office. Once I called and set up the appointment, it was a huge relief. It's funny how other people can see things you are going through and you still can't...no matter how many times they tell you or how many people tell you.
I saw my endocrinologist and was finally put on cholesterol medicine. I tried to talk to her about my chest pains and anxiety but I couldn't. She referred me to my primary doctor and encouraged me to talk to them as she could tell my anxiety level was very high. So I've been told! I have been having chest pains for a few weeks. I do not think it is my heart nor do I think I am depressed, I just can not stop and relax. I have try and get it all done and if I can't, I get angry with myself. People say, "I don't know how you do it" but you see it is what it is and I don't think I am doing anything more than anyone else. This is life. This is my life. I am blessed, so very blessed and I should be happy and enjoying it. I am happy (I think), I am just not taking care of myself or to be honest, enjoying much. No I don't want a pity party and I don't want to be a martyr. I am just stating the facts. I know I have it good but for some reason, I can not get my mind to slow down and allow myself to relax and enjoy. Yes I have stress...work, home, money, kids and making it all work together and keeping everyone happy. Everyone but myself.
Little did I know that the old saying is true...If Momma ain't happy, no one is! Well Momma really isn't happy. When I saw Dr. Kate today it was like seeing an old friend and I felt safe. She was honest with me and I think she thought I was still in a bit of denial about anxiety. And I think I was too. She reminded me that if I were to look back over the last 3 years, I had dealt with a LOT of stuff. I knew that but other people deal wth a lot of stuff too. But yes, I am tired. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of not being able to relax and enjoy my beautiful family. I am tired of yelling and my kids and not talking to my husband because I focus on house work. I am tired of not taking care of myself and feeling run down. I agreed to try some medicine and see if it can help. I need something to help balance me out and I pray this does the trick. I kept thinking I had to make my own happiness but I don't even know how to do that. My calendar is full of appointments for Zachary and every year I say it will be less appointments the next year but then something else comes up. I am just trying to fix everyone else in my house and take care of them and I still feel like I am not doing enough. It's a silly circle of guilt!
Well it is time to stop the guilt, do what I can for my family but to make sure I do something for me and take time to stop and smell the roses before I miss out on the beautiful things in front of me. I hope all of you will slow down a bit too.
My choice in returning to Dr. Kate was a great one!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Hello Stranger!
Ah, it's been a while...sorry about that.
The last few months have been crazy. Not bad, just crazy. We are still focusing on trying to find out what is wrong with Zachary, sleep wise. He does have a mild sleep apnea that does interfere with his breathing but the doc feels it is not a good idea to introduce a CPAP yet. I was happy with that. The pulmonologist put him on Nexium but then a week later we saw the gastro doc and he put him on Prevacid 24. The Prevacid is easier to give him. Of course as soon as we started giving it to him his left ear starts draining again. OMG are you serious?
Oh wait, I left that part out! In May his left ear was draining, I mean oozing like a runny nose...sorry! So we called the ENT and told them he had been on antibiotics 3 times since March and his drops were not going in the ear. She got us right in. His left ear was full of puss and the right ear had fluid and the tube was out but still in his ear. So we had to suction out the left ear and she pulled the tube out of his right ear. He did great. We went back 2 weeks later for a hearing test and he passed. Looked at his ears and both had fluid in them. She gave us the option of just getting tubes again or waiting 2 months to see if the fluid cleared up. I opted to wait. She said if he got one more infection between then and his appointment in July then we would just schedule tubes. So of course, we have a call into them waiting for the surgery date! :-(
So when the ear started oozing again last weekend and he ran a fever and cried of ear pain, I called the new pediatrician. He is wonderful! He was prompt and the staff was great and he discussed all my concerns. My favorite thing about him was that when he learned we were to become new patients 2 months ago, he went and looked up Noonan Syndrome. He asked me all kinds of questions about NS and Z. It was amazing!! He confirmed a double ear infection, agreed he needed a second set of tubes and told me to confirm with the ENT what he was doing to see if they had any objections. Wow, that was rare! He was truly amazing!!! Love him!
Zachary continues speech and physical therapy. He gets speech once a week and is doing great. His PT is concerned about his left hip/foot turning in so she suggested we get an xray to rule anything else out. We go see the ortho this week. I think then we will just have a follow up with pulmonologist and gastroentrologist in two months and his endocrinologist and geneticist in October. He will also get an eye exam in November. He is still being assessed for the special school district. At 3 years old he will age out of MO first steps for his therapies. If he qualifies for SSD then they will pick him up from daycare and take him to classes for SSD.
Jonathan has graduated from preschool (sob sob) and will start kindergarten in August! He will stay at the current daycare and ride a bus to and from school...I LOVE his school!!! He is such a good boy and he may be challenging for me at times but his teachers adore him and tell me how he never gets into trouble and he is so good! Makes his Mommy proud! T-ball is going ok...lots of rained out games but he's getting to like it. He was in my nephew's wedding Friday and looked so very handsome and did a great job!
Jason and I are chugging along. Working and trying to keep up with life and the boys. It takes it toll on you and we both agreed that we each need bit of time out alone and then of course a date night. Jason plays softball and I go sit at starbucks and chill. Date night is still to be determined. LOL I saw my endocrinologist last week and while my diabetes is all doing great and my weight is maintained, she put me on cholesterol meds. She said the standards they set for diabetics is pretty hard to maintain so she wants me to start some meds and see how it goes. Thank goodness for generics!!! We talked a bit and she suggested I talk to my regular doctor about anxiety issues. I have been in denial for a few months but have had several friends express concern for me. I will admit the last 3 years have been the hardest of my life and I have forgotten how to relax and how to have fun. I am not proud of the temper tantrums I have and how I yell at everyone. I have been having chest pains and just don't feel like I can do it all. I know I shouldn't feel like I have to but I do. I forget to stop and smell the roses. I know I have been extremely blessed and I have it pretty good but it's still hard. I am hoping the doctor can give me some advice. I will be honest, I am not into the idea of therapy and it is purely selfish...I can't give up any more time. I know that's bad but Z has too many appointments and I need my time for them, not me. But I will do what he suggests.
Anyway, we are all still here and doing well. I hope everyone has a very happy father's day.
To my Dad - I love you and am so glad that you are my dad!! Thank you!
To my Father-in-law - I am so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you!
To my husband - you are an amazing father and I love you more than you will ever know. I love how the kids adore you and want to be like you. Thank you!
The last few months have been crazy. Not bad, just crazy. We are still focusing on trying to find out what is wrong with Zachary, sleep wise. He does have a mild sleep apnea that does interfere with his breathing but the doc feels it is not a good idea to introduce a CPAP yet. I was happy with that. The pulmonologist put him on Nexium but then a week later we saw the gastro doc and he put him on Prevacid 24. The Prevacid is easier to give him. Of course as soon as we started giving it to him his left ear starts draining again. OMG are you serious?
Oh wait, I left that part out! In May his left ear was draining, I mean oozing like a runny nose...sorry! So we called the ENT and told them he had been on antibiotics 3 times since March and his drops were not going in the ear. She got us right in. His left ear was full of puss and the right ear had fluid and the tube was out but still in his ear. So we had to suction out the left ear and she pulled the tube out of his right ear. He did great. We went back 2 weeks later for a hearing test and he passed. Looked at his ears and both had fluid in them. She gave us the option of just getting tubes again or waiting 2 months to see if the fluid cleared up. I opted to wait. She said if he got one more infection between then and his appointment in July then we would just schedule tubes. So of course, we have a call into them waiting for the surgery date! :-(
So when the ear started oozing again last weekend and he ran a fever and cried of ear pain, I called the new pediatrician. He is wonderful! He was prompt and the staff was great and he discussed all my concerns. My favorite thing about him was that when he learned we were to become new patients 2 months ago, he went and looked up Noonan Syndrome. He asked me all kinds of questions about NS and Z. It was amazing!! He confirmed a double ear infection, agreed he needed a second set of tubes and told me to confirm with the ENT what he was doing to see if they had any objections. Wow, that was rare! He was truly amazing!!! Love him!
Zachary continues speech and physical therapy. He gets speech once a week and is doing great. His PT is concerned about his left hip/foot turning in so she suggested we get an xray to rule anything else out. We go see the ortho this week. I think then we will just have a follow up with pulmonologist and gastroentrologist in two months and his endocrinologist and geneticist in October. He will also get an eye exam in November. He is still being assessed for the special school district. At 3 years old he will age out of MO first steps for his therapies. If he qualifies for SSD then they will pick him up from daycare and take him to classes for SSD.
Jonathan has graduated from preschool (sob sob) and will start kindergarten in August! He will stay at the current daycare and ride a bus to and from school...I LOVE his school!!! He is such a good boy and he may be challenging for me at times but his teachers adore him and tell me how he never gets into trouble and he is so good! Makes his Mommy proud! T-ball is going ok...lots of rained out games but he's getting to like it. He was in my nephew's wedding Friday and looked so very handsome and did a great job!
Jason and I are chugging along. Working and trying to keep up with life and the boys. It takes it toll on you and we both agreed that we each need bit of time out alone and then of course a date night. Jason plays softball and I go sit at starbucks and chill. Date night is still to be determined. LOL I saw my endocrinologist last week and while my diabetes is all doing great and my weight is maintained, she put me on cholesterol meds. She said the standards they set for diabetics is pretty hard to maintain so she wants me to start some meds and see how it goes. Thank goodness for generics!!! We talked a bit and she suggested I talk to my regular doctor about anxiety issues. I have been in denial for a few months but have had several friends express concern for me. I will admit the last 3 years have been the hardest of my life and I have forgotten how to relax and how to have fun. I am not proud of the temper tantrums I have and how I yell at everyone. I have been having chest pains and just don't feel like I can do it all. I know I shouldn't feel like I have to but I do. I forget to stop and smell the roses. I know I have been extremely blessed and I have it pretty good but it's still hard. I am hoping the doctor can give me some advice. I will be honest, I am not into the idea of therapy and it is purely selfish...I can't give up any more time. I know that's bad but Z has too many appointments and I need my time for them, not me. But I will do what he suggests.
Anyway, we are all still here and doing well. I hope everyone has a very happy father's day.
To my Dad - I love you and am so glad that you are my dad!! Thank you!
To my Father-in-law - I am so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you!
To my husband - you are an amazing father and I love you more than you will ever know. I love how the kids adore you and want to be like you. Thank you!
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