Lessons Learned in 2 years

In the past 2 years I have learned so much. I have had many good times and many sad times but each of those times have taught me something and have helped me grow. There are days I focus on the bad things going on or that had happened in my life and I have a "woe is me" day. I know how lucky and blessed I am. I know how good I have it.

In two years my life has gone from wondering if my son will live to wondering what he will be like when he is 5 years old. Two years ago I wasn't sure if Zachary would reach 5 years old. My life was turned upside down and the dreams I had for my newest son and our family were shattered. I learned during that time that while I prayed for Z to be ok, that I also had to pray for my strength to get through it all and I had to pray for me to be able to accept our fate, whatever it may be. When Mom was sick, I learned a little bit of that too.

I remember sitting in the hospital room when the doctor told us that Z's cells were showing cancer and he would need a bone marrow transplant. I was amazed that I did not fall apart right then. After learning what JMML was and how bad it was I remember praying and asking God for the strength to help me through this and that no matter what happened for him to help me accept it. Jason and I just wanted to know what we were up against so we could accept it and come up with a plan. It took a long time but we got a plan and our plan was that this little boy taught me so much and that I needed him probably more than he needed me.

I still do not like the phrase "everything happens for a reason" and am trying to delete it from my vocabulary because there are so many things that happen and I don't see a reason for them happening. Yet, here I am thinking that the events over the past two years did happen for some reason and that reason was to help me be the Mother that Zachary needed. He is a little spit fire and all his "challenges" have taught me patience, kindness, forgiveness and love. I will admit that some days I am weak and forget what I all I learned but I do try!

I hope that 2010 brings much happiness, peace and love to everyone. I pray that any challenges that you are faced with, you have the strength to pull through.

Happy New Year!