Doing it in his time...

that is what the physical therapist told me about Z. "He is doing things in his time!"

She told me that after all he has been through we need to cut him some slack. He is using all his muscles as he should and she was impressed with all he was doing already. She commented on how alert he was and her observation is that he is too concerned with the world around him and he doesn't have time to sit still.

No further appointments unless we are still concerned. We got some exercises to do to help him learn to catch himself, kneel, sit, stand and crawl.

One year ago today...

I lost my Mother. I know she is still with me because I strongly believe that she is the one that has protected Z. She always told us that God wouldn't give you more than you could handle and I hated that statement. Along with, "everything happens for a reason". Those 2 statements never seemed to bring comfort, but I think people just don't know what else to say, myself included. But once again, my Mother was right. I told her before that she was right a lot of the time and I didn't like that. Ha!

I had a dream Thursday night that I was at my Grandma's house (Mom's Mom) with Z, Grandma and Mom. There were other people there but I don't know who. We were cooking. Mom and Grandma sat at the table telling us what to do. It was comforting that in my dream she got to meet Zachary. I think the dream also showed me that Mom is OK. She is in heaven with Grandma and Aunt Isabel. It kills me that she never met Z. I always use to pray that my parents would live to see me married and meet my kids. I think because she wasn't here on Earth to meet Z, she met him in other ways. When he was really sick he would lay there looking around the hospital room and would focus in and stare up at the ceiling. I swear it was those times that he saw Mom and she comforted him in the way that only a Grandma can.

I miss her terribly. The other day I was upset and Jonathan asked me what was wrong. I told him I was sad and his usual response is, "Do you miss your mom?" and when I said yes he reached out to pat my arm and said in a very upbeat voice, "It's okay mom, when she gets undied she will come down!". It was so sweet. I know that kids need their parents, but I never realized how much a parent needs their child.

Mom - I will love you always and will miss you forever.

Surgery is done!

Well yesterday was a bit of a long day. We got him into surgery a bit after 1pm. There was some concern about his murmur so they were trying to reach his doctor. He got out a little after 5pm. He had a bit of congestion and was breathing hard when he wasn't sleeping and he wouldn't eat and the little he did he vomitted. We left around 630 and I got Z to eat 4 oz in the car. He crashed when we got home but woke up twice to eat.

Today he was happy, cranky, happy, cranky...LOL. He would laugh and play a bit and then would get clingy and tired. I don't think he knows if he is in pain or not b/c he took off his diaper when I wasn't looking and has been doing his army crawl and pulling at his diaper! He looks very bruised and man it looks uncomfy! But he is my little trooper and is going strong.

I called the Genetics Division at Cardinal Glennon and apparently the doctor that Dr. Rob referred us to has left. But anyway we are to fill out some paperwork, have Dr. Rob/Dr. Kate fax over his medical files and then they will call us and we can hopefully get in in November/December. I have the appt scheduled at Children's in Feb so if we can get in before then then I will just cancel that one.

So one more hurdle has been over come and now we move forward.

Good news...

We saw Dr. Rob today for a CBC. He called me this evening to tell me that Z's bloodwork was normal!!! He said a few numbers were a bit elevated but it appears to be normal for Z and it was nothing concerning. His monocytes were the best they have EVER been!

He was hamming it up for everyone and showing all his new tricks and getting lots of attention from the nurses and staff. He's gonna be a handful!

I must say this is the most positive I have felt about his situation in a LONG time. I think he saved it all up until he knew I was having a bad day and then he thought he'd give me some good news. :-) Little stinker. I think I will always fear that the worst is not behind us, but for now, I'm celebrating. Z is celebrating by sleeping. ha ha ha If only Jonathan would sleep...

His surgery is Wednesday and I will update after that.

Have a great evening!

Our Last Supper

No, not the one from the bible, the one with my Mom.

Last year on this date I was enjoying the last supper with my mom. It was me and Jason, my sister, brother in law and niece and my mom and dad. Mom was so tired. I had to help her take her insulin because she couldn't see. She looked thinner and was even nodding off at the table. She had no appetite and barely ate. I remember she ordered a pricey shrimp meal.

We sat in the restaurant, talking and laughing like everything was fine and well, it was. Could we have done something different? Maybe but it wouldn't have made a difference. While I miss Mom so much that it hurts, I know she was tired and ready to home and be with her loved ones that went on before her. She had a long journey and needed to rest. I know she is up there with her parents and her sister and so many others. They are catching up and enjoying the peace up in Heaven.

Today we had the Keeven family reunion and this was a day that mom looked forward to. She enjoyed it so much. Last year we all went and moms death was so fresh and it was so hard to be there, yet so comforting. Mom had always planned it all for us and took care of us. Well we forgot table cloths last year. This year I made sure I brought one. Mom would have had 2 or 3 vinyl ones, I only had 1 disposable one. She made sure we all had plates, utensils and napkins. It seemed to always either rain or be very hot for our reunion. This year it rained that morning and then was a gorgeous day that we all enjoyed. I think Mom made sure it was a nice day.

It was one year ago today that I last saw my mom alive. I hugged and kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her. I guess that isn't a bad way to end things. I wonder if I had known it would be the last time I'd see her if I would have said anything else?

Thank you. I would have said "thank you Mom for being the wonderful Mom that you were.".

The Big Day

Jonathan and I survived the big first day of preschool.

Look at how handsome and proud he is with is Diego back pack. On his first day he brought home monkey mask. They are learning about animals and Adam and Eve. They will do apple painting in a few weeks.

Ms. Alee said he did great and was a good helper. He was a bit hesitant but I noticed if I just leave and don't look back, he manages just fine.

As for AWANA last night, he was very tired and cranky and I heard he clung to a few legs. Tom said he was attached to Vicki's leg. I know he remembers her (Debbie's friend) and I'm sure he felt safe. He didn't play w/the kids in the big group but I think he did fine in the classroom. After AWANA we went to see Grandpa. Jonathan was a bit wond up and I tried to let Grandpa let him stay. Ha! One day I think he will but not last night!

Zachary passed his pre-surgery physical so as long as no colds come up and his blood count is good on Monday, we will move forward with his surgery.

Have a great day!