One year ago today...

I lost my Mother. I know she is still with me because I strongly believe that she is the one that has protected Z. She always told us that God wouldn't give you more than you could handle and I hated that statement. Along with, "everything happens for a reason". Those 2 statements never seemed to bring comfort, but I think people just don't know what else to say, myself included. But once again, my Mother was right. I told her before that she was right a lot of the time and I didn't like that. Ha!

I had a dream Thursday night that I was at my Grandma's house (Mom's Mom) with Z, Grandma and Mom. There were other people there but I don't know who. We were cooking. Mom and Grandma sat at the table telling us what to do. It was comforting that in my dream she got to meet Zachary. I think the dream also showed me that Mom is OK. She is in heaven with Grandma and Aunt Isabel. It kills me that she never met Z. I always use to pray that my parents would live to see me married and meet my kids. I think because she wasn't here on Earth to meet Z, she met him in other ways. When he was really sick he would lay there looking around the hospital room and would focus in and stare up at the ceiling. I swear it was those times that he saw Mom and she comforted him in the way that only a Grandma can.

I miss her terribly. The other day I was upset and Jonathan asked me what was wrong. I told him I was sad and his usual response is, "Do you miss your mom?" and when I said yes he reached out to pat my arm and said in a very upbeat voice, "It's okay mom, when she gets undied she will come down!". It was so sweet. I know that kids need their parents, but I never realized how much a parent needs their child.

Mom - I will love you always and will miss you forever.